Recently, I got a message from a a wonderful listener building her dream business while she has a day job. I know what she’s working on – her business is something  that will help a lot of women. She really does need to get it out there! She asks:“Do you have suggestions for how to handle being actively hated. It’s the situation at my day job. My office mate peers are extremely negative people and don’t do well with optimism or positivity. What can I do to protect myself mentally and spiritually?

I think this is something that many of us in the golden handcuffs club deal with.” ~ Stephani

Energy vampires can seem to suck the life out of you. If you were your own boss right now, I would say something like:

• remove yourself
• walk away
• it might be time to re-evaluate whether you want a relationship with that person

What do you do when you can’t really do that – when it’s people at your job?

In this episode I shared an ancient parable (I love those stories, they always bring me back to simple and powerful truths) about Buddha. Go to 1:28 above to hear it.

Here are 5 tips that can help you dealing with energy vampires at work – while you’re building your business on the side:

WARNING: These will take practice and “mental guts”

Tip 1: Pre-Seed all your interactions.

When you plant a seed in a garden there are certain things you do to make sure the soil is ready. You pre-seed and prepare the soil. You make sure the nutrient level is perfect for that type of seed. You find a place that has the right amount of sun and shade. That way, when you do plant the seeds, whatever you planted will grow beautiful, healthy and strong.

Begin before you know you’re going to see the negative person by thinking, saying or writing the things about that person that you can appreciate.

This will feel difficult, very difficult at first. Sometimes that is going to be as general as

• “They like cats”
• “They are doing the best they know to do”
• “I don’t have a clue what pain this person might be in”
• “He or she may feel totally powerless in their life which is why they act this way, they are just human too”

(Tweet This:)

Tip 2: Use the negative as fuel for your #dreams.

I’m sure you’ve heard this: You can’t control other people, you can only control your reaction to them. Take this as an amazing opportunity (reframe from challenge) to hone, temper (like a sword) and clarify what you do want to create in your business. That will give you the ultimate freedom to walk away and then you can “love them from afar”.

If things were more comfortable, you might just stay there, in comfort, without truly ever making the jump to following your entrepreneurial dreams. Someday you will thank them for having made it so uncomfortable that you had to make the big leap…

mini tip: Borrow someone else’s negativity to make yours easier to deal with until you do make the entrepreneurial jump. That’s what I did when I had to get a job for the 2nd time in my life. I did this by reading books like Imaculee Ilibagiza’s “Left to Tell” and Victor Frankl’s “Mans Search for Meaning”.

Tip 3: Reframe to profound gratitude for your job.

I tell the story of my boyfriend Joe – who is a master at using Law of Attraction although I introduced him to it a mere 8 months ago.

He’s radically shifted some negative relationships in his current job. He used to be a successful entrepreneur with a tile setting business. Then the real estate downturn happened and there was no work. He now works for a biomedical startup doing very important work he enjoys, while he builds a new business on the side.

Between those two things, his business and his current job, he spent 18 months unemployed. Now, whenever he feels negative about his current job, he quickly shifts to profound gratitude for it. One of the ways he does this is by telling himself things like the following:

• “This job is the springboard for my entrepreneurial dreams.”
• “I’m so grateful I have a job and I feel productive.”
• “Those paychecks are helping me fund and save for my leap back into my own business.”

 Tip 4: “Create a Distraction”

When you do have interactions with these negative people, when you do feel their energy toward you… create your own distraction. Now, I don’t mean to start howling like Tarzan or something similar. I mean to do it inside your own head and heart.

Focus on something you love and appreciate.

Go to a completely different and unrelated topic in your mind. For example, if you have kids or a loved one, a dog or cat you love or loved – think of a very tender and meaningful moment with them. This helps diffuse the negative energy in your and helps you take a mental break from it. Return to massive appreciation and love for something in your life.

Or you can use humor.  The phrase “create a distraction” actually reminds me of the funniest, and most personally embarrassing thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. When I think of it, I always laugh and that shifts my energy instantly.

Tip 5: Think of your job as your Law of Attraction Laboratory.

This is something my boyfriend Joe does.  When he’s going to work, he says “Honey, I’m going into the Lab!” I do this when I’m going out “into the real world”.

Think of yourself as a divine scientist. These negative interactions are giving you a place to experiment with guiding and molding your thoughts, feelings and your energy. This can be one of the most powerful opportunities to become one of the mentally and spiritually strongest people you know – and that will serve you well in your entrepreneurial journey.

That’s not to say some days won’t be quite challenging – on those days use more than one of the tips above.

Joe has completely shifted the energy at his current job. Recently, he got some unsolicited praise from the most negative person at his “lab”. And today, he came home with an unexpected monetary bonus from work.

You can shift the energy in your workplace, too. And when you see evidence that it’s working – Celebrate, big time!

Finally, it’s going to be more difficult to build your truly successful business while being unhappy where you are now.

It’s just like a relationship, you might go from relationship to relationship and one day you realize, what’s the common denominator in all these relationships? Oh, well, it’s me!

And that’s pretty cool, because that’s when you can decide to take control and change the way you look at things, you can change the way you show up in the world. You can change the way you BE in the world.

Tomorrow we’ll discuss ways for you welcome failure to ensure more success in business.