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The big mistake that taught me to have my own back – no matter what

Last year, we took Heartwork Journaling to a local art festival.

We got the most gorgeous tent and signage with the Heartwork Journaling doodle on it.

heartwork journaling boothThis brought us a ton of attention and traffic.

Lots of people became email subscribers to Heartwork Journaling Online.

We took all kinds of fun swag like tote bags, books, journals.

I’d recently created some journals for myself because I go through them so quickly and wanted them for my daily Heartwork Journaling practice.

We sold out of almost everything which was  fun…

When I got home Sunday night, I got my journal to write about it. I wanted to evaluate what worked well, what could have been better and what I’ll do differently when I have others running the booth.

I also wanted to write down the beautiful stories of the people I’d met. who shared their struggles and how Heartwork Journaling might help them.

I opened the journal to begin writing.

It was BLANK.

In that split second, I realized I sold my OWN journal that I started a week or so ago.

My face flushed with shame and anxiety.

I’d been writing about my goals and dreams.

Working out my anxieties and frustrations about business growing pains.

I’d also been writing about how to deal with a few people in my life, including setting better boundaries.

My brain without censorship was in that journal.

And now someone – I didn’t know who – had purchased my journal.

The vulnerability of being completely SEEN.

I was mortified because they did NOT have what they’d purchased which was a blacnk journal.

I was even more mortified because they did have my brain with all it’s thoughts – the good, the bad and the downright ugly – inside.

I had to do a LOT of self coaching about that.

What would I do if they contact me angrily?

What would I do if they judge me for anything in my journal?

My mind even went to “What if they post photos of my journal on my FB page!?

What will people think?

A Surprising Gift

I sorted it all out in a new journal and came to a few conclusions.

  1. Whoever bought my journal will see that I “eat my own cooking” and practice what I preach.
  2. They will understand that I believe that no one is supposed to be “happy, happy, happy” all the time. We’re supposed to be aware of our thoughts and feelings.
  3. I actively work out my thoughts and feelings with a daily Heartwork Journaling practice.
  4. I’m always working on myself to become a better person – no matter the circumstance.
  5. Even thought I’m not perfect and I’m a work in progress, I’m pretty awesome and I am actually OK with people knowing me, butterflies or warts and all.

When I really got to this place of acceptance, I felt FREEDOM.

I went through the whole week and each day I felt stronger and more convicted in my self-belief that even if the person who read my journal judged me, criticized me or publicly shamed me, I would be ok with that.

Such a gift.

I realized through this experience that I have my own back, no matter what.

I shared this with my clients during the week and it was such a teaching lesson for all of us.

The most incredible thing happened after my last client call that Friday, I moved my Flipchart to get a book from my bookcase…

It turns out I didn’t sell my personal journal.

My journal had been in my bookcase the whole time.

I wouldn’t trade the anxiety of that experience for anything.

I’ll always have my back. No matter what.

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