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Do You Enjoy Being a Hater? 3 Tips to Help You Become a Lover…
Lately, I’ve noticed a lot of hating. It seems like a lots of people really enjoy hating, being angry, complaining, disdaining, throwing rocks all over the web. And while I agree there are things that need changing in our society, some kind of action like volunteering is preferable to simply hating and spreading negative sentiment.
And there’s a lot of random hating going on for things that aren’t worth it. Worse, there’s rabid hating for and about people who are successful. This kind of hating concerns me for our young people and even for our entrepreneurs…
A example that got me thinking about all this happened recently. A few weeks ago, we decided to have a movie night. I didn’t know anything about Justin Bieber. I did know that a lot of people hate him. Jon and Caleb, Jeff’s sons, hated him. This isn’t a regular kind of hate, it’s a rabid, snarl-toothed, spit-emerging-while-you speak kind of hate. Jeff was scrolling through the movie options we had and both boys said “NO!” when we got to the Bieber movie.
So, of course Jeff said, “Justin Bieber’s Never Say Never is the movie we’re going to watch guys.” Both boys protested vehemently and I said “Why do you guys hate him so much?” They couldn’t come up with a good answer, so we watched it. Jeff and I were curious and we wanted to watch what this kid (and all this hating) was about. So we watched the entire movie.
And we all loved it… the change in both Jon and Caleb was palpable. They ended the movie loving it and admiring Justin. We had a long talk about his music, his drive, his persistence, creativity and his WIT “whatever it takes” attitude to be successful. We also talked about judging people based on how the majority of people are acting. Without even knowing anything about what they were supposedly hating. That is what they’d both been doing. They hated Justin Bieber simply because all of their friends hated him.
It’s so easy with our ultra-connected world to spread hate and to do it in a completely anonymous way. This sad kind of hate seems to be mostly envy. Look at what’s happening with the “Occupy Wall Street” protests. It probably began with a bunch of people who honestly wanted to help make some great changes… and it’s ended up being a place where success is disdained and even those who are trying to run their businesses are hated, just for being business owners.
So is there something or someone that you’re hating because the majority is doing it? If that’s the case, I challenge you to get more information and make up your own mind. And consciously become a lover, not a hater. Not in the Don Juan sense, just in appreciating the good in what’s out there. Not moving into envy. Most of the time whatever the majority is doing is probably not what you want to be doing or thinking anyway!
Here’s 3 tips to help you become a lover and not a hater:
1. Give all people a chance before you judge them.
2. Enjoy other people’s success. Now, when 9 year old Caleb hears Justin Bieber music, which he’s even downloaded to his iPod, he dances and drums and sings and enjoys it. He loves Justin’s music now.
3. Open yourself up to the possibilities for yourself. What would be possible for you if you decide not to care what everyone else is thinking about and if anyone is going to hate you for it?
When you’re a hater, you pretty much close yourself off to the possibility of creating something new or living big yourself. You’re just a small, tiny, extremely uncreative hater.
Open yourself up to what you can do and how you can change things in a positive way. And then get ready to ignore other people who criticize you for following your dreams. Because remember, there are haters out there… 
You just don’t have to be one of them.
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I remember that night – that kid has drive! And I love the dance moves it inspired in Caleb…
~ Jeff
So to continue the “positive stuff” here at home, we’re also involved in our church annual fundraiser and volunteer drive and we all raised $1.7 MILLION on Sunday, October 30th and will be doing a ton of volunteer stuff with the boys in the coming weeks!
http://howtoberich.org/ <== so fun to be so involved in something like this that is ALL about LOVE, not hate…
That’s great what happened with your sons changing their minds to the positive!
yes Julia! It was so cool to see them change their perspective – a couple of weeks later, 17 year old Jon was at his youth grouup and they asked “Who likes Justin Bieber?” and Jon raised his hand… pretty great that he now makes up his mind on his own, no matter if he gets ribbed by friends…
great perspective on how hating other people for their success actually closes you off to your own success
What a great piece. When we hate we change our mood, our behavior and become toxic to ourselves and the people around us. Being kind, friendly, open minded and fair is so much better and conductive to looking for the best in people, oportunities and circumstances and also is so much EASIER. Thank you so much Maritza. You always make my day.
Thanks Marie and you made mine with this comment!
I loved this post and you make so many important points. When we hate, we contract and close ourselves off to new opportunities. What great role models you and Jeff are to the boys!
Thanks Mary, I love thinking about it as contraction! Hope your end of summer trip was fantastic & whenever I have a yummy cup of tea I think of you!
When I first saw Justin Bieber showing up on Twitter over and over and over and over again I figured I had better take a look. I too was amazed by his “what ever it takes” attitude. He is an excellent role model for those who chose to take a look.
My niece, who is 14, loves him but what thrilled me was that she knew all about his “what ever it takes” attitude. She said the girls on her baseball team are following in his footsteps.
I feel sorry for those who follow the crowd and don’t decide for themselves. They miss out on so much that life has to offer.
Anyway, being the “lover” is so much more fun and takes less energy.
Carla, how fantastic and what a blessing it is it that your niece already had the “I’ll decide for myself” attitude!
[…] 3 tips to help you become a lover and not a hater: […]
The link to this page is going to be my shortcut to educating others. Maritza, thank you for putting it together for the rest of us to use!!